FIVE THINGS TO FOCUS ON WHEN YOU’RE SINGLE.
Are you tired of questions about your relationship status? Or has a relationship you thought would last recently come to an end? Have you just spent the summer watching everyone else is getting married, and find yourself asking God, “Why am I single?”
Whether you’ve been praying for a partner for a long time and find singleness to be difficult or painful, have recently become single, or have no interest whatsoever in dating, there are a few things you can focus on during this season:
There’s no doubt about it… God’s timing is always perfect, but waiting on His blessings and promises to be fulfilled can still feel a bit like wandering in a wilderness for 40 long years! One of the hardest periods for many Christians is waiting for God to reveal who their spouse will be.
It can be difficult to be single, especially if you’re surrounded by friends who are all finding themselves in loving relationships. However, it is so important to use this time of being single to your advantage. The ways that you can grow and experience life now will drastically change once marriage comes along.
Below are FIVE THINGS TO FOCUS ON WHEN YOU’RE SINGLE:
1. Focus on Your Relationship with God
We know from God’s word, that investing in knowing God more is the most important thing we can do with our time. After all, we are commanded to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength” (Mark 12:30).
Generally, we have more flexibility in our schedules when we are single. This gives us the opportunity to focus on loving God in creative ways that might not be as feasible in other stages of life.
Ask yourself, are there any unique ways that you might be able to spend time with God? Maybe you could go off the grid for a week and seek the Lord in a quiet, serene place. Or, evaluate your schedule, and add a break in your day to spend time with God—even if it means working later in the evening. If you have the capacity to take a Bible class online or at a local seminary, why not go for it?
Use this time of being single to build your faith on a strong foundation that is built solely between you and God. The enemy will try to attack you while you are single and he will not stop when you are in a relationship. With a firm foundation built in your faith, you will be able to face any challenges thrown your way. A strong faith in the Lord will help to keep your faith from wavering under any circumstance.
Look around you and be open to breaking up the norm to spend time with God!
2. Focus on Reaching Out to Others
We are all members of God’s household, whether Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male or female—and we might even add—single or dating (Galatians 3:28). Whatever our relationship status, God has called us into His family.
Most of us don’t need much encouragement to spend time with our peers. But our family of God also includes older folks, young families, empty nesters, and others. What would it look like to invest in their lives as well (Galatians 6:10)?
It can be wonderful to go from a single income to a shared income between spouses however that does not mean that you should be holding out until that day comes. Use this time wisely to steward your finances well and make sure you are doing everything possible to set yourself and your future family up for success.
Just because you’re single that doesn’t mean you have to always be alone. Meeting new people is a great thing that so many tend to overlook. It doesn’t have to be about a romantic relationship. You can meet new friends who share your interests. You can make new friends who offer support and connect with the path you’re on. You can make new friends who may be beneficial when it comes to business-related matters, and working together on new projects. Meeting new people and making friends can open the door to all kinds of possibilities. Don’t limit yourself, and embrace that networking with people can be a powerful tool. Now I know I said it doesn’t have to be about a romantic relationship, but honestly, that is another benefit of making new friends. It can lead to much more romantically while laying down a great foundation of friendship for an increased chance at success.
Being single is not a downfall, it’s an opportunity. When you take a better approach you can start to experience better results. Whether you decide to stay single, or you have a desire to be in a future relationship, focusing on these five things can help provide you with what you need and help you gain what you want.
3. Focus on Enjoying This Season
It can be so hard being single, especially if we’re hoping for a boyfriend/girlfriend, and ultimately, marriage. But instead of focusing on all that we’re missing out on, maybe we can try focusing on the things that bring us joy in this season of life.
As the wise author of Ecclesiastes reminds us, “I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God.” (Ecclesiastes 3:12-13)
Can you count three things you enjoy about life right now? Thank God for those gifts. And make sure to revisit them in the coming weeks, months, and years.
Once you are in a relationship you will find that you do not have the same amount of free time that you once had. Of course, this is because your time will be filled making beautiful memories with the one you love, but that should not stop you from making your own amazing memories now. Focus on discovering what you are passionate about and spend your time growing in your knowledge and experience of it.
Every day is a blessing, so do what you can to enjoy it. Being single is not a time to dwell in being miserable. Your life is not defined by your relationship status, so start embracing all of the great potential you have in front of you. Get out more, laugh more, try new things, and get to know yourself better. Make a conscious effort to do things that you enjoy every so often, if not weekly. Create new experiences and don’t be afraid to go outside of your comfort zone. When you set out to enjoy life you create more positive energy within yourself. This will not only make things better for you now, but it will also help you with meeting a great partner if a relationship is something you do desire. So stop holding back, and start having more fun.
4. Be confident with your own identity.
How can we expect to find someone who loves our personalities when we haven’t even identified who we are to begin with? A serious relationship will quickly reveal the baggage that you have been hiding in the back corners of your mind. Spend this time being single to identify areas of low self-confidence and identity problems. That way when your dream spouse comes along, you will be confident in your own skin, identity, and purpose in life.
If you can’t take care of yourself, then you shouldn’t go looking for a relationship to take care of you. Nobody truly wants to take on a liability, and you shouldn’t be ok with becoming someone else’s burden. You’re single, so take this time to learn how to handle your business. Man or woman, you should make sure you know how to clean, cook, and manage your money. You should embrace all the things you can learn to become an asset if you ever chose to move forward in a relationship. It may not be the primary role you take on once in a relationship, but it is never a bad thing to have the tools to be capable of taking these things on when needed. Most importantly, you should do this for yourself. You should be able to look at yourself in the mirror and be proud of what you can do.
Becoming a better overall person is something you should always strive for. However, for most people being single is an even greater opportunity to achieve that. While you’re single you tend to have more free time to focus on you. You can eliminate distractions easier, and you don’t have the responsibility of tending to a partner in need. So take full advantage by developing good habits that you can carry with you no matter your relationship status. Practice embracing a more positive mindset. Take time to heal from any past issues, and bring forth greater emotional health. Find ways to incorporate exercise and a healthier diet which can provide you with so many benefits. Also if you’re spiritual, then now is a great time to strengthen your relationship with God. All of these things will have a positive impact on you, and it will allow you to start experiencing a better life overall.
What are you truly good at? What gift do you have which you can bless others with? What is your passion? These are questions you should do your best to answer while you are single. If you lack purpose it can be easy to become distracted in life and get involved in things that provide no true value. It can also lead to attaching yourself to the wrong person in a relationship because you are looking for them to fill the void you’re experiencing. Finding your purpose will add fulfillment to your life, and help you grow as a person. Waiting until after you’re in a relationship to discover your purpose can set you up to be with someone who doesn’t truly align with it or embrace it. So find yourself first, and whether you remain single or you get involved, you will be in a much better place.
5. Do not waste your time dating the wrong people.
Being single can be lonely but that does not mean that you should fix that by putting yourself in relationships with somebody who you know is not your type. This will only lead to a relationship ending in heartache and confusion for yourself and the other person involved. If you have no intention of marrying the person you are dating, then what is the point of staying in a relationship with them?
Being single can be hard, but it is a very precious time that should be spent focusing on who God has called you to be. Trust that the Lord knows the desires of your heart and that He will provide a spouse for you in the most perfect timing – and while you wait for that moment, spend your time growing and maturing so that you are prepared to be the best spouse you can be for the one you love.
